One Tie All Tie

CBS’s newest original overindulgent, white American comedy: Matt and Mallory

The executives at CBS have quickly determined that they are losing the pulse of America with Mike and Molly and have agreed the show needs an overhaul to be more relatable to the general public. The spinoff Matt and Mallory (starring celebrity chef Guy Fieri in his first ever comedy series) will focus on the neighbors of Mike and Molly who are not only battling with their weight, but also their all-consuming bigotry.

This light hearted romp for the whole family will have episodes that primarily revolve around dwindling race relations and the depressing reality of widespread intolerance that can go blatantly unnoticed. Watch as Matt and Mallory hilariously feed each other’s paranoia and backwards ideologies until they’re an insufferable burden on absolutely everyone they know…including themselves! All the while accruing insurmountable credit card debt and setting the foundation for an ugly divorce. ZOING!

Memorable episodes include Matt accidentally getting stuck in a voting booth after slipping on a mayo soaked patty that fell out of his Wendy’s order. Matt spends the episode writhing in pain from a blown ankle as he slowly climbs the voting machine. Will he make it in time to cast a vote for his favorite candidate Donald Trump?! Hilarious! Or when Mallory makes careless, uninformed generalizations about entire cultures at a PTA meeting…right before ripping a big fart! OOPS! Arghoooga!

You’ll laugh, you’ll scream, you’ll cry…well mainly cry. So tune in now to the show that critics are calling “A completely terrifying look at the rapid decay of humanity,” “Vomit inducing on every level,” and “We desperately need something to change,”  Sundays at 4:00 a.m. immediately following Life According to Jim.