Call Me by Your Name 2 cast announced: Simon Cowell, Amy Schumer, Kevin Hart and Lil Tay, with a soundtrack by Imagine Dragons and Susan Boyle

Hollywood, CA-Call Me by your Name was an acceptable movie, but it left most movie goers wondering, what if the entire soundtrack was done by Imagine Dragons? And instead of a beautifully subtle, blossoming gay relationship, what if it was a grotesque love affair between a farting mermaid and an inbred ostrich farmer? And what if instead of a love affair it was more a revenge plot by a nefarious super genius looking to harvest mermaid organs and use them as a new menu promotion and select Bubba Gump Shrimp restaurants?

The answers to those questions are here in Call me By Your Name 2: This Is Still My Name.

Prepare yourself for the movie going experience of a lifetime as Kevin Hart plays a fully grown Hercules Klump from Nutty Professor 2, forced out to sea after discovering the remains of his late dad who fell victim to an unfortunate AEA accident. Grappling with loneliness, he is seduced by a drunk mermaid who rips hilariously loud farts and talks about how bad her genitalia smells.

Everything seems great…until they are hunted for organs by legendary spear fisherman Alphonso Knudson, played by Simon Cowell. Goddamn bastard. All of this while Radioactive by Imagine Dragons screams through your eardrums.

CMBYN2 is being called an Avatar prequel by a small sect of alt-right cave dwellers who believe the show Last Man Standing can predict the future. So see this goddamned movie today.

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