Gucci Mane-Loser

Rating: 5/5

Gucci thinks he’s a loser. He also thinks you’re a loser. Anyone who hustles is 100% a loser and anyone who doesn’t is too. I could have sworn having a drop top was pretty tight, but that also qualifies you as a complete loser. On the other hand Gucci surprisingly confirms that riding around Miami with your shirt off on a scooter does not make you a loser, even though logic would suggest otherwise.  Gucci has somehow leveraged uncannily simple lyrics into a web of complexity and contradiction.  Words that shouldn’t rhyme somehow rhyme. Other words clearly don’t exist at all. I can imagine Gucci stirring his alphabet soup deciding on what word to use next. Fortunately this song slaps:

Pour Some More

Artist: Gucci Mane
Album: Brick Factory
Song: Pour Some More
Rating: 4.6/5.0

You can almost hear the codeine slithering elatedly over gold capped teeth. A flock of one dollar bills sail effortlessly through the air, giving momentary relief from the already exceeding dimness of the room. There’s an audible shifting of ice cubes as a lobster tail is pulled from a vast seafood tower. Pour Some More captures that moment exactly.

The best places to listen to this are; riding on an ATV in a pack of other dudes also riding ATVs (en route to a strip club), a private jet with suicide doors and hovering above a city that you’ve claimed as your empire in a jetpack. In no particular order.  To fully appreciate the song you should also be wearing a pair of Jordan’s, preferably 4s, a pair of excessively large Gucci aviators that only serve to obstruct vision, and a pair of designer track pants.

Cassette Deck

Artist: Corner Boy P
Album: Don P
Song: Cassette Deck
Rating: 4.7/5.0

Cassette Deck is pretty straight forward, if you don’t have suicide doors on absolutely everything you own you’re probably a coward or a snitch, sleep is the new broke, and the dream is free the hustle is not. All hail the eternal grind. Very few songs can concurrently make me want to tie one on and piss in a gold plated shark tank bar (with exotic fish the guy at the pet store recommended not go in the same tank) and develop a scheme to get the city under my thumb. Cassette Deck is a rare breed. Plotting, conspiring, grandiose. It’s that wad of stinkys in your pocket transforming into hundreds. It’s the Al Capone  cigarillo smoke pluming from the moon roof on a ghost stretch H3 and it absolutely knocks.

Scottish Winds

Artist: Frightened Rabbit
Album: A Frightened Rabbit EP
Song: Scottish Winds
Rating: 4.8/5.0

Scottish Winds  is an unwavering lantern of steadfastness. A song ripe with purpose. The fascination and beauty is found in the interpretation of certain perceived hardships and circumstances. Whether they are acknowledged with acceptance and understanding or retreated from with suspicion and doubt. Whether the oppressive, unrelenting rain razes or mends. Desecrates or cleanses. If the wind is a obstacle or a vessel. To have something beat the living shit out of you one day and be gone the next. This song gives the feeling of a quickly dissolving Friday afternoon. The bullshit of work retires briefly, buried by the prospect of enjoying a pint with a good friend.

Astro King Phoenix

Artist: Astro King Phoenix
Album: Cries from 2025
Song: Wolf Like Me Intro
Rating: 4.6/5.0

A cloud trembles in the sky bordering on transparency, desperately longing to obtain its form. Thread by thread it is pulled apart by the sweeping autumn wind. The scent of the looming winter lingers in the air. Shards of moon light now emerge through the intricate carvings in the cloud. Another icy gust and an unnaturally bright, unobstructed view of a milky yellow and white sphere appear. Leaves rustle. Several long and pained and concentrated howls sound from within a thick, impenetrably dark forest. A group of shadows can barely be seen. Wolf Like Me Intro is blaring from a long since abandoned cabin in the middle of all of this. There’s no visible door, and the windows appear hopelessly shattered.

The sound is shredding through the worn lumber like the transforming creatures through flesh  howling in the woods. This isn’t the only similarity between the two. The creatures. The verses and beat are hungry, fast and uncompromising. Vicious. Eager to find their next victim. The sound is more haunting than the echoes of distant snarling and snapping, of broken twigs and grinding teeth. Delivery sharper than a glistening claw in the moonlight. There is a certain momentum to the song, to the mixtape as a whole, as Astro King Phoenix and Mackned send the listener on an unending climb into the unknown.



Artist: Peaceful Solutions (Kool A.D. and Kassa Overall)
Album: Coke Boys 5
Song: C.R.E.A.M.
Rating: 4.8/5.0

C.R.E.A.M. has the nonchalance of Johnny Utah right before careening out of that airplane without a parachute. It’s a burn track but in the absolute loosest sense of the word. Loose. The entire track is looser than creamed corn. Looser than an ankle in a pair of ill-fitting JNCOs shoplifted from Spencer’s. The flow is effortless, dynamically lazy, and exceptional. An uncalculated masterpiece. C.R.E.A.M. had to have been recorded in the moments immediately after a prolonged nap in a bath that had long since lost it’s warmth.

The uninhibited movement in and out of the beat is infectious. It makes the listener feel like a contributor to an obscure, enduring inside joke. The name of the album and excessive amount of signature rap drops compounds the hilarity. A perfect parody.  Kool A.D. and Kassa Overall have created an indifferent dream team. Their transcendent carelessness is a contributor to the uniqueness of both flow and delivery. Collectively known as Peaceful Solutions, they are quietly becoming one of my favorite rap duos.


Artist: Jimmy B
Album: L.O.R.D.S
Song: Screwface ft. Mr. Muthafuckin eXquire
Rating: 4.7/5.0

I didn’t think summer still existed. It may still not. Screwface is a sliver of hope that suggests otherwise. A slight nudge on the thermometer. It’s probably the spitting, hyperactive synth baptized in a sprawling  baseline. The only appropriate dance is no dance at all.  It might also be the unwavering optimism in the lyric delivery, I despise the word swagger…but this song is brimming with it. It’s insane that two people with such immensely different styles can exist on the same track. Something about it makes me believe there is grass under the snow.

The verses are thoughtful, boastful and insightful.  A narrative that examines the complexity of success. The fickleness of fans. Success somehow simultaneously causing love and hate. Distance and proximity. The old fans that once cherished the music now despise it for the same reason new fans love it. Something remains consistent however, the growing hate is an accomplishment unlike any other.


Macho Man, Nacho Man

Artist: Nacho Picasso
Album: Trances With Wolves
Song: Nacho Man
Rating: 4.5/5.0

Just like Macho Man Randy Savage, Nacho Man is a nervous, spastic and completely unpredictable time bomb. It should score a  highlight reel of the beloved wrestler. Fueling the friskiest most hyper violent elbow drops coming from an overly tan veiny hulking monster is where this song belongs.

It could have been the reason he chose black and red over black and white. Those bulging and eager eyes, consuming his face, all but popping out of his over sized sunglasses. The flamboyance, the pageantry that gravely strained voice resurrected once more.

Haunted Wrecking Ball

Very few things are capable of causing ring piece clinching fear. The mainstay ride at the county fair “The Zipper,” and more specifically the sausage skin full of deep fried snickers that crammed himself onto the ride right before you is one of those. A kinked hose eager to leak it’s contents onto the Zipper “pod” beneath him. Watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or Game of Thrones with in-laws. A brown spec in an advertised all white meat Chicken McNugget. And the video below.

It’s hard to determine what is so uncanny about it. Maybe it’s because close up it appears to be a radioactive Garey Busey, rendering the sledge hammer lick somehow even less sexy than it already was. It could be all of the menacing staggering and leaning, like the human-centipede if it consumed some of the same ooze the Ninja Turtles did. It might also be because this seems like an alien propaganda video promoting the destruction of earth, likely used to instill a sense of pride and patriotism for that invading species. Their version of Jock Jams Vol. 1. I think perhaps most of all is that watching it now there is a mere 31 views on it, indicating whatever sick depraved person/thing that created this monstrosity likely did it for their own twisted indulgence. That’s unnerving and hilarious.


Artist: Vado featuring French Montana, Pusha T and Chinx Drugz
Album: Slime Flu 4
Song: Kopy
Rating: 4.8/5.0

“I be whipping hard…till my wrist hurt”

Listening to Kopy effectively transforms your head into blustery snow globe. A whirlwind of yayo magnificently gusted from the nostrils of some of the most vicious rappers in the game. The diversity in sound/delivery from Vado, French Montana, Pusha T and Chinx Drugz makes for a fascinating collaboration. Each creates a uniquely menacing, immersive and oddly educational portrait of the life of a coke dealer. The dependence of clientele. The distorted symbiotic relationship of dealer and fiend. The urgency, precision and inexorable hustle.