Chicago, IL – Budweiser decided that the red ale they wrung out of some urinal cakes at an abandoned Mountain Dew testing facility to commemorate the United States faking the moon landing wasn’t enough. The disappointment experienced after an elaborate government hoax seemed like the perfect thing to bottle and serve, but the American public is far too smart for that. Which is why Budweiser’s new commemorative beer represents the true pride and joy of this country. 

Budweiser’s newest beer, Death From Above Nut Brown Reserve, celebrates the iconic moment in American history when the Dave Matthew’s Band tour bus unloaded an entire tour’s worth of irregular bowel movements from the bus septic tank onto an boat full of tourists as it crossed a bridge in Chicago.

“In a lot of ways this is one of the most momentous events in American history, the turds rained down like ashes from Pompeii that day while Ants Marching blared on the bus speakers and the driver passed out from too big of a nitrous rip,” said Budweiser executive Alphonso Knudson examining the unsettling color of the beer.

The nut brown ale wasn’t ever officially released during the time of the incident, but the color and aroma will put you right back on the deck of that boat, on a 90 degree day with 100% humidity.