There is no better way to celebrate a special moment than with a doughy eyed, vaguely religious cherub statue bought by an out of touch relative. A gift says nothing in particular. A timeless gift in the sense that no one has ever wanted them. Pair it with some chocolate diamonds form Kay Jewelers and watch the person cry themselves to sleep with joy!
A simple representation of a dwindling relationship distilled into a Hudson News caliber adjacent gift. We need these statues more than ever now, but a First Communion, Confirmation, or first time realizing that you will eventually disappoint everyone you know commemorative statue will not do! That’s why precious moments has announce the first ever quarantine package of bashful little judgmental rascals and I will be buying everyone single one of them for myself and my loved ones to immortalize my first quarantine! Below is a statue listing if you order any make sure to use the code SKINNYTEA420 as a promo because I am an official bran rep!
- PornHub Lad: This little guy is the perfect statue to remember those glorious times where you were mentally and physically incapable of leaving your desk chair because of the porn addiction you developed while a virus ravaged our society!
- Lockdown Protestor Baby: OMG, how could you forget about the time you got armed to the teeth, drank a handle of Wild Turkey and stormed the capital building in a Shrek mask? This statue will remind you that personal freedom and greed trumps everything, even in a pandemic, your right to take a shit in the Costco bathroom without a mask is guaranteed by the constitution!
- Zoom Meeting Cherub: Wow, this baby sitting slumped in a makeshift desk chair, not wearing any pants and considering that they’ll be working a job they hate until they mercifully die is the perfect way to celebrate all of those Zoom strategy meetings and happy hours! Remember the time you threw up mid-presentation and no one seemed to notice or care? Now it’s eternalized in a statue!
- Succumbing to alcoholism lass: Hey now! One of my favorites, this little lass succumbed to alcoholism during her quarantine…just like you! Now you can look at this statue and consider drinking yourself into oblivion, the only hobby you have left. So tilt one back and gaze into her massive eyes!