Employee makes deal with God in company bathroom

Chicago, IL-On Tuesday, an employee turned to the divine in an effort to sustain solitude whilst in the throes of a midafternoon ring piece onslaught after dabbling in a tray of Potbelly sandwiches, which were left out for an indeterminable amount of time.

“Once the door opens and the eager footsteps of a sniveling coworker become audible, there are certain desperate promises made to the Lord Almighty. Those promises are obviously exchanged for a moment of divine influence in which that coworker occupies anywhere in the bathroom except the stall adjacent to you,” said Bill Biscane, carefully turning his name badge over to maintain some level of perceived anonymity.

“My first born is not out of the question,” continued Biscane bracing himself for more carnage.

Like most people, Biscane is under the impression that, if there is a god, he/she/it would surely prove their existence by intervening in lifeless corporate bathroom scenarios. The perfect setting to prove their divine power and convert skeptics.

Unfortunately, the footsteps slowed and settled in the stall adjacent. Leaving Biscane sitting on the can pondering that he is in fact completely alone.

Fart appears to go Super Saiyan in steamy shower

A seemingly benign eye stinger in any other environment has leveled up into a truly substantial foe within the confines of a piping hot shower. Feeding off of the heat and using the steam as an energy source, the fart transcended into one of the most upsetting stenches in recent memory. Like a true Saiyan the aroma morphed several times from rotten eggs to microwaved garbage before evolving into its perfect form; a neglected petting zoo at a county fair in Hammond Indiana.

Born out of pure hatred the stink somehow smelled nothing like anything that was consumed in the last several days. A completely alien smell with a propensity for complete and utter annihilation. No nostril is safe from the wrath of the newly born Super Saiyan and the lingering effects of the Super Spirit Bomb it just dropped will haunt every crevice of the bathroom for weeks.

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