Glencoe, IL-In a desperate attempt to salvage another floundering Tinder date, one man tempted fate with a gutsy albeit savvy move. Something that according to Drone Enthusiast Quarterly, everyone woman craves. In some obscure circles it has even been considered the greatest peacock to ever exist…slyly dropping a certified drone piloting license while picking up half of the bill.
“The date wasn’t going great, I had to find an in, something universally relatable to any woman, then it hit me…recreational and semi-professional drone usage,” said Terry Adkins, scrolling through some unremarkable aerial footage from a singular vantage point in Rockford Illinois. The city appearing as all cities do when filmed directly overhead.
“It was really tasteful, very classy, I suggested splitting the bill like I always do, but as I was pulling out my cash, my drone piloting license accidentally fell on the table…looked totally natural,” continued Adkins, recounting the incident fondly.
Though the incident could have sympathetically ended there, as most dates do. Adkins insisted on a choreographed drone demonstration right outside the bar, something that would capture her heart and an aerial view of the top of her head. But before the majestic mating ritual could commence, the drone flew directly into Adkins genitals.
As he lay screaming in agony his drone ascended into the clouds above and his date stared up with a sense of longing.
Bridgeport, Illinois-There was no telling what was going to happen when the words left his mouth, a social risk unlike any other. A conversation starter that Phillip Biggins had been dialing up for weeks. Diligently honing and perfecting several scripted sentences for that very occasion. A hot take that was both edgy and imaginative would be the perfect way for him to create a lasting impression on anyone he met that day. His own triumph of inspiration that would be celebrated perhaps more than the union itself.
The ultimate leap of faith finally happened just after the ceremony as Biggins approached a group of congregating wedding guests. “Beautiful out,” he suggested with a knowing grin “Couldn’t have asked for a better day for it, I’ll tell yah!” he continued looking proudly out over the rain soaked asphalt.
Several members of the group agreed adding “Really is one for the ages, but what about the ceremony? Gorgeous service! I’d sit through a ceremony like that again!” They all nodded in silent agreement. After several seconds of excruciating silence Biggins suggested “And how bout the bride? Certainly a beautiful bride, really did look nice, and parents looked really happy as well,” As the suffocating dullness of the interaction set in, Biggins gave one last satisfying nod before departing.
The entire exchange occurred, perhaps predictably, without incident. It quickly neutralized any glimmer of personality while also ensuring there was a vague interest in the wedding itself. The risk had paid off and would certainly be used to generate conversation at weddings for years to come.