Girl proves how much she loves Friday with powerful TGIF Instagram post

Fort Wayne, IN-In an effort to, once and for all, prove to aloof digital aquintances that she in fact enjoys the start of the weekend, one Fort Wayne resident posted a zoomed in picture of herself smugly drinking a beer on her couch with a timeless TGIF caption and respective hashtag.

“I love Fridays and people need to know that, to embrace that, I know that not everyone agrees but I’m putting myself out there!” Said Nicole Hall who after the picture was taken dumped the beer down the sink and entered into a 48 hour Netflix wormhole. Completely squandering said Friday and ensuing weekend. “Fridays are a big part of my personality.” she continued, seamlessly breezing over the absurdity in using a measurement of time passage as a personality trait.

Followers have found that Hall loves just about anything that even remotely resembles an opportunity to post on her favorite platform. With recent selfies celebrating flag day, reptile memorial day, jet pack day, sick day, drone surveillance appreciation day and Eugene Levy’s birthday among others.

As the onslaught of platitudes continue, followers remain vaguely uninterested by the perservance of posts and the ability to transform nearly any day into a celebratory selfie followed by obsessively analyzing likes.

Son gives mom the four paragraph Instagram tribute she always wanted for Mother’s Day

Elmhurst, IL-Expressing gratitude for a lifetime of personal sacrifice and unwavering love is often manifested in the form of a cotton candy scented Yankee Candle. But this year one man living in a piece of shit Chicago suburb had other plans for Mother’s Day. Something unique, timeless and able to garner over twenty valuable likes on a given social media platform.

“Posted a pic of her on Instagram WITH a black and white filter,” said Phillip Biggins, with a look of excruciating contentment on his placid face. “I also did 500 words on how she made me the man I am today and how fucking sweet my life is right now. The only thing she has ever wanted in life is validation on a curated social media account in the form of likes from friends that have never met her,” continued Biggins scrolling through a swarm of completely identical Mother’s Day tributes.

When asked, Biggin’s mom confirmed she hadn’t seen the post, didn’t know what a post was, didn’t have an Instagram account and wasn’t aware what Instagram was or why she was being interviewed by a largely unknown surrealist culture blog in the first place.

“Oh yeah…did I mention the hand lotion from Bath & Body Works and the $20 Talbots gift card? #bestsonever #winningatlife #dadsandgrads” concluded Biggins huffing on his finger nails and polishing them against his popped collar, extra medium, Hollister shirt.

Tiny bit of landscape seen behind close up selfie of couple on vacation looks suspiciously like Hammond Indiana

Hammond, IN-A couple who posted their customary soulless selfie, allegedly on another exotic vacation, has come under scrutiny from several Instagram followers. Though pointblank pictures of two swarming faces battling for real estate has become a mainstay in the account, this particular picture had an uncharacteristic glimpse of actual scenery. Nestled behind another indistinguishable close up of two smug faces was a rare hint of intrigue.

“I assumed I unfollowed them months ago, I guess the boredom ethered my brain into thinking it was just some sort of unavoidable sponsored content from LL Bean” said one follower scrolling without purpose.

“Something was different about this picture, it appeared as though they were actually at a tangible location…perhaps at one point even doing an activity,” said another follower indifferently.

Though the geotag boasted an already snooze worthy Caribbean bound Disney Cruise line, complete with Sleeping Beauty Honeymoon suite, the billowing chemical cloud and sewage ridden snow seen behind them suggested something far more mundane. The unmistakable signature of Hammond Indiana.

When asked, the couple admitted they had made a grave mistake by leaving even a morsel of the picture unmolested by their floating heads and that they were in fact in Hammond, touring the Lion’s Den: Midwest’s Largest Adult Bookstore & Lounge.

Aerial picture of mug of coffee the absolute only way to prove you like coffee

Proving to people that you enjoy a universally adored beverage is almost impossible. A cumbersome task ripe with complexities and confusion. Telling someone that you enjoy coffee only elevates the suspicion. The consuming distrust and paranoia can be seen in the prying eyes of the skeptic. Actually drinking a cup only furthers the wariness. No…to defuse the deeply rooted belief held by the rest of humanity that you hate coffee, drastic measures must be taken.

The only way to pacify the situation and convince the world of the impossible is to post a flurry of dull Instagram pictures. With a mere weekly aerial style post you too can begin the crusade to convince the world that you love coffee. Posting a shot from above of a completely ordinary cup of coffee with the Reyes filter applied is the perfect way to courageously reinforce that you partake in a popular beverage. It also provides a unique and insightful view that is rarely experienced in our short time here on earth. A rare glimpse into the black soul of a beverage that we know very little about.

Most people never even get to experience seeing coffee from above as it is customarily syphoned from the bottom of the mug as a suppository. The valiant effort of providing inimitable photographs while simultaneously proving undying coziness and alignment with the general population should be applauded. #cozy #donttalktomebeforemycoffeelol #wineandcoffee #coffeesnuggles #lifeisgood

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Man confirms he has a crush on Rihanna with #WCW

The wait is over, we now know that a 27-year-old male has announced to friends and family that he in fact has a crush on singer/songwriter Rihanna. The excruciating anticipation had been building since Monday as to who he would announce as his pick for woman crush Wednesday. “It was really tough to pick a new one, last Wednesday it was Beyoncé so I knew I really had to knock it out of the park on this one.” Said Danny Thomas, the 27-year-old from Cincinnati who currently works as a Cloud Marketer at Synergy Digital.

“All of my friends and family definitely love when I post close up pictures of celebrities on Instagram,” continued Thomas vacantly. “It’s just me being very candid and honest about who I have a crush on currently” he chuckled. Followers were expecting the announcement given Thomas’ strict adherence to Man Crush Monday’s, Take Me Back Tuesday’s, Throwback Thursday and Flashback Friday.

In fact the account is void of anything actually happening in his present life for the past 5 years. We can however ascertain that he enjoys posting pictures of extremely successful celebrities. “It took a lot for me to get this one out there, it’s not easy coming out and endorsing someone who is universally agreed upon as being attractive.” Said Thomas visibly relieved.These hashtags continue to grow in popularity as they provide refuge for those void of a personality.

The picture has since gotten 2 likes that are speculated to be errant. Thomas hopes his Man Crush Monday post garners more interest. Rihanna remains vastly unaware of Thomas’ existence and Thomas’ followers continue to dwindle, unbeknownst to him.

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#disneycruise

Artist: Far East Movement
Album: Grzzly
Rating: 1.2/5.0
Download: I refuse to willingly spread this mixtape, thus will not provide the URL it can be found on datpiff.com  if you want to be severely annoyed.

You know those pictures on Facebook and Instagram that are brimming with a false sense of pride? The ones that are meant to be a testament to how undeniably awesome the person’s recent happenings are. The pictures that often use #winning or #perfection but when looked deeper into you gain this odd sense of wretchedness and melancholy. You notice the 1 or 2 likes when the person was clearly anticipating at least 15-20. You see a guilt induced comment left by someone tagged in the photo.  You notice that their dream vacation as they labeled #perfection is in fact a scum ridden Disney Cruise, or #perfection as a 5 for under 500 calories meal at Applebees. No filter can make that meal look good. That is what this new album reminds me of.  It tries incredibly hard, but is just bad.

Far East Movement does its best Baauer impression on the first song, longing for that catchiness for that x factor that made the song viral but coming up miles short. The rest of the album is a busy blundering mess that gives me anxiety to listen to. If you like having anxiety I would certainly recommend downloading this.