Silicon Valley, CA-We’ve all seen the incredible ingenuity behind Untuckit, the New York based, men’s wear line which harpooned the fashion world by discovering that shirts contain the ability to be untucked. After decades of painstakingly studying Tommy Bahama and Life is Good, Untuckit was finally able to determine that paunchy men with no personalities enjoy remedying their looming depression by buying future landfill fodder.
Continuing in the tradition of waste, a contrarian brand known as Tuck It has birthed through a tower of skid marked jock straps in a characterless suburb of your choosing. Tuck It is a brand new shirt for men that fastens under the gooch, similar to a child’s onesie.
The patented burlap thong back fits perfectly into most sized butt cracks and because it fastens to the revolutionary “scrote-bag” in front, your shirt will stay firmly tucked in even as the rest of your life falls to pieces. As you look into the mirror at your deteriorating body and mind, you can at least take comfort in the fact that you purchased a shirt from a Facebook ad.
Imagine losing your wife and your job in the same day while still looking like the prideful asshole you are. So give up today and say Tuck It.