Fort Wayne, IN-In an effort to, once and for all, prove to aloof digital aquintances that she in fact enjoys the start of the weekend, one Fort Wayne resident posted a zoomed in picture of herself smugly drinking a beer on her couch with a timeless TGIF caption and respective hashtag.
“I love Fridays and people need to know that, to embrace that, I know that not everyone agrees but I’m putting myself out there!” Said Nicole Hall who after the picture was taken dumped the beer down the sink and entered into a 48 hour Netflix wormhole. Completely squandering said Friday and ensuing weekend. “Fridays are a big part of my personality.” she continued, seamlessly breezing over the absurdity in using a measurement of time passage as a personality trait.
Followers have found that Hall loves just about anything that even remotely resembles an opportunity to post on her favorite platform. With recent selfies celebrating flag day, reptile memorial day, jet pack day, sick day, drone surveillance appreciation day and Eugene Levy’s birthday among others.
As the onslaught of platitudes continue, followers remain vaguely uninterested by the perservance of posts and the ability to transform nearly any day into a celebratory selfie followed by obsessively analyzing likes.
Realizing that the majority of the country has no chance of actually making it to Friday to seek refuge in their customary garbage piles of bogo knuckle steak jammers, jalapeno shooters, nummy chicken nubbbies and vodka mudslides, TGI Fridays has launched TGI Wednesdays.
Described as “a midweek, strip mall orgy on a budget,” TGI Wednesdays hopes to provide a haven for the majority of the country that require getting blacked out and eating shitty food on a Wednesday to maintain sanity in the otherwise brutal state of humanity.
There will be some certifiable psychopaths in tow, as is the case with any TGI Fridays location, but for the most part TGI Wednesday will cater to the disgruntled after work crowd who have spent the entire day churning out digital waste comparable in quality to the shoddy décor in a Wednesday themed bar and grill.
With a menu that encourages gorging your sadness into oblivion, the feeling of being uncomfortably full will soon distract from what ails you. The TGI Beef Fingers, a 60-40 mash of ground chuck shaped into a knotted human hand, deep fried Barefoot Rose’ and garnished with ostrich feathers are certain to loosen your worries and tighten your waistband.
Wash it down with a frosty mug of cocktail award winning Puckered Brown Eye and watch your cares melt away like the ice your stagnant cup of nutria infused Sour Apple Pucker. Forgetting about family and loved ones and knowing only the unique warmth provided by a franchised casual dining establishment.
The slogan for TGI Wednesdays has been confirmed as “Fuck it, it’s Wednesday”. So treat yourself with a full blackout for making it halfway through another forgettable week.