NFL 2017 Week 1 Love/Hate Haikus

QB Love

Ben Roethlisberger at Cleveland
Jean cargos, skechers
Saturday’s are made for Kohl’s
Sundays for winning

Russell Wilson at Green Bay
An all knowing god
Unmoved by the plight of man
Only lives Sundays

QB Hate

Eli Manning at Dallas
Damn good employee
At Papa John’s in Rockford
Middle management

Tyrod Taylor vs. New York
Crushing solitude
Can devour any hope
Decay any light

RB Love

Todd Gurley vs. Indianapolis
Welcome to Indy
Beacon of obesity
A cultureless void

Jordan Howard vs. Atlanta
A dimly lit star
Wading through oceans of plain
To a dismal pit

RB Hate

Jay Ajayi vs. Tampa Bay
Pregame with Pitbull
Grape bombs at a Senor Frogs
Hangover, dale

Mike Gillislee vs. Kansas City
Horseshoe casino
Roulette wheel cruelly spins
Revealing losers

WR Love

Devante Parker vs. Tampa Bay
Carton of Camels
For a chain smoking diva
Light up, breathe deep, fly

Alshon Jeffery at Washington
I will raise you up
On Eagles wings, through the sky
The lamb of cheese steaks

WR Hate

T.Y. Hilton vs. Los Angeles
Lady luck has died
Scott Tolzien is everything
Abandon your dreams

Doug Baldwin at Green Bay
Bio Dome returns
Starring a brand new Baldwin
Rip van Tinklefest

TE Love

Jimmy Graham at Green Bay
An aging beast crawls
Toward glory one final time
Before vanishing

Hunter Henry at Denver
Bah Gawd! Who’s music?
That’s Double H! With a chair!
The humanity!

TE Hate

Eric Ebron vs. Arizona
Owned by everyone
Once a season and then cut
Then signed, then released

Kyle Rudolph vs. New Orleans
Hobbits cannot see
Reindeer, no he cherishes
Insipid handoffs

Defense Love

Los Angeles vs. Indianapolis
The glue factory
Where horses turn to Elmer’s
Huffed by famous folks

Defense Hate

Minnesota vs. New Orleans
The Viking sex cruise
Docked at She She’s, New Orleans
Unable to move

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