I have a sneaking suspicion Gaga was created in a lab. Funded by a pioneer research company studying causal factors of annoyance and confusion in humans. Painstaking years of trying different recipes until this following combination of DNA yielded Lady Gaga, Chris Jenner, every person involved in the production of Grown Ups and Grown Ups 2, Wendy from the new Wendy’s commercials, Family Guy deep cut scripts (discarded for being too random), and anyone who maintains that TNT produces great original series (I’m looking at you Rizzoli and Isles).

Gaga is a symbol for both everything and nothing nowadays, the most annoyingly random entity to ever exist.  Jerky motions atop a soiled mattress, smearing paint, and wearing a unicorn tail is the sure fire way to put an end to any and all injustices occurring in this world. It also functions as an incredible diversion from the futile lyricism and brain numbing beats.  There’s likely several profound and beautiful statements buried somewhere deep in the video for Applause. One such statement, both controversial and relevant, is protesting the mistreatment of genetically modified humanoid ostrich creatures, like the one seen below in the video. It’s been neglected for years and it’s incredible that Gaga is both random and edgy enough to increase visibility. There are probably plenty more but they would almost certainly take someone as brilliant as Tom Hanks’ portrayal of Robert Langdon to decode.

Gaga should be cast from relevance, effectively collecting dust with the acoustic guitar you never play, any box set DVDs you may own, and that pair of skis that would pay for themselves in fun within the first winter of owning.