Very few things are capable of causing ring piece clinching fear. The mainstay ride at the county fair “The Zipper,” and more specifically the sausage skin full of deep fried snickers that crammed himself onto the ride right before you is one of those. A kinked hose eager to leak it’s contents onto the Zipper “pod” beneath him. Watching The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo or Game of Thrones with in-laws. A brown spec in an advertised all white meat Chicken McNugget. And the video below.

It’s hard to determine what is so uncanny about it. Maybe it’s because close up it appears to be a radioactive Garey Busey, rendering the sledge hammer lick somehow even less sexy than it already was. It could be all of the menacing staggering and leaning, like the human-centipede if it consumed some of the same ooze the Ninja Turtles did. It might also be because this seems like an alien propaganda video promoting the destruction of earth, likely used to instill a sense of pride and patriotism for that invading species. Their version of Jock Jams Vol. 1. I think perhaps most of all is that watching it now there is a mere 31 views on it, indicating whatever sick depraved person/thing that created this monstrosity likely did it for their own twisted indulgence. That’s unnerving and hilarious.