Mike Dunleavy Named Ventra’s Player of the Month
Announced this morning, the Chicago Transit Authority has named Chicago Bulls back-up point guard Mike Dunleavy its Ventra Player of the Month for December 2013. This marginally esteemed honor is awarded to the sub-par NBA player who maintains a general ineptitude but functions just well enough to avoid complete abandonment.
In explaining their decision, award committee cited Dunleavy’s consistency in blown defensive assignments, inability to obtain unobstructed rebounds, general lack of awareness and yet his ability to occasionally make a much-needed three pointer and save his job.
When asked for his response to the award, a bleary-eyed Dunleavy said, “I’m surprised it’s taken this long. I mean, I’ve been aggressively mediocre since 2002.” When asked to elaborate, he referenced his already ordinary stats from this season of 7.8 pts and 1.2 assists per game, and the shoe deal he recently signed with Skechers. “I think people are going to really like them,” Dunleavy said, of the shoes. “Not only are the colors all skin-tones, but they’re mildly comfortable, too.”
As the Ventra player of the month award, Dunleavy will receive his choice of a free Ventra card or ten swift kicks to the nuts.