One Tie All Tie

Coachella 2014 Fashion Review

Rating 0/10

In an effort to be the most obscurely vintage and stylistically ironic while still remaining sexy and dreamy, Coachella concert goers took things to a fashion realm beyond basic human capacity. All of the rest of us were too cowardly and simple-minded to come up with something this brilliant. Us plebeians sit here unable to wipe our own asses. Wearing flower crowns, Aztec print, vintage NBA jerseys and deep v’s, while these American heroes came up with this beauty. Drawing heavy inspiration from John Turturro’s fashionably forgettable performance in Johnny Depp’s B-movie Secret Window would have sufficed, but there’s more. To make this a truly legendary look, there was a dash of Kung Lao added from the Mortal Kombat Trilogy era. Talk about attitude and someone who truly doesn’t give a shit, the man decapitates people with a bladed hat. Not to mention he seems pretty emaciated…dieting like your about to enter a tournament to determine the fate of earth is so in. Think that kind of attitude but also super fun loving and free spirited, perhaps accented with some notes of mid-90’s Full House. The obscurity, irony and carelessness are so immense! Honestly is this even a music festival anymore? Is there any actual music played? From what I’ve seen it appears to be one large commercial, in which C-List celebrities walk aimlessly in a field and convince people to buy unwearable rags.