Biggest Beer Commercial Fail Ever

Getting drilled in the face with a rock hard Red Delicious, waking up severely concussed and craving a hard cider. Abiding by the cryptic advice of an ominous British street goon that looks like he’s after your kidneys and eagerly drinking the open beer he offers. Both somehow qualify as more believable than Modelo Especial’s new perplexing  ad. I’m completely unfamiliar with the reality they’ve created in this commercial, but  would imagine this sort of thing mainly happens at the bar in the Cheesecake Factory and during carnival night at the strip mall Ponderosa. Those are the only two places where several spaced out old timers/lonely alcoholics may cast a confused glance your way upon entry. They may also be looking at nothing at all. The thousand mile hollowed out drunken stare.

How small do your nuts have to be where the only way to be comfortable with your mediocre beer order is getting a nod of approval from a stranger on the first bites of his second Bloomin Onion of the night. Without that approval, you would try and talk to a group of girls and concurrently drop a beer on your foot, mess your pants and boot all over the table.

Not to mention the dude boosting your street cred is a wiry ginger wearing a slouch fit beanie cap, thick rimmed glasses, and a shirt bought from the 30% off rack at Kohl’s. I’m always super intimidated by a guy who looks like he perpetually carries an acoustic guitar, ready to play Wonderwall at the drop of a hat. The current toughest dude at the Chili’s bar in Hammond Indiana is undoubtedly shaking in his licensed Guy Fieri flame button-up shirt.

The icing on the cake is the guy who just loves obscure garage rock. Entering the bar and breaking into a full on wind sprint to commandeer the jukebox is what everyone wants. Who doesn’t love getting a stranger’s shitty music preferences piledrived into their eardrums? “Oh you wanted to listen to that? I’m splurging the extra dollar to override your picks with this ultra busy sounding rock song that makes it impossible to have a conversation.” Those chicks you’re trying to pickup clearly prefer the new Jason Derulo song.

Literally in what upside-down world is the marketing department at Modelo living in? They should have stuck with CGI talking animals.

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9 thoughts on “Biggest Beer Commercial Fail Ever

  1. Gotta agree. The most vapid commercial ever. Like is any of that stuff important?

  2. How about the one where they say ‘if you want a girl to marry you, you ask her father’. Property transfer a la feudal society.

    • Louise, nothing feudal or property about it. It’s a sign of respect, something that seems lacking in today’s “everyone born before 1980 is a moron” society. Basically if you want to gain her father’s respect, you ask him and mom’s permission to propose to their daughter. Sure it’s old fashioned, but it is also indicative of the man’s respect for the parents and their role in raising the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with… if that’s too feudal for you, fine, don’t drink the beer or don’t follow the advice. Personally, I think the whole commercial renders some sound advice. Like”If you want a job, get a skill” or “If you want to buy a house, save for it.” Not popular concepts these days, but sound none-the-less.

      • As a young-ish woman, I’ve got to go with Louise. First, this tradition does come from two men (father and suitor) agreeing to the exchange of property (young woman). On your second point: the commercial didn’t mention asking the mother, just the father. And when only the “girl’s” parent’s are asked and never the man’s, it suggests that only the man is an adult, independent of his parents and capable of his own mature decisions, while the woman is perpetually a child and someone else must sign off on her decisions.

        Finally, I was born after 1980. I don’t judge people’s intelligence based on what year they were born. My parents were born in ’49 and ’50 and they keep up with evolving culture/social norms really well. You, however, do seem to judge today’s young people with your last couple of lines. You shouldn’t judge people based on their age. It will come back to bite you. Oh yeah, one more thing – no one buys a house outright anymore. They’re far too expensive. People save for a down payment then get a mortgage. So that one is terrible advice unless you want to live in a chicken coop (which my parents did for a short time in the ’60s).

      • Problem with that is that is the father has exactly zero say in the matter. its a token gesture at best. Claiming its to show the parents respect is a hallow argument as the line isn’t parents its only including dad, verbally and visually. The rest of the sound advice in the commercial stands in stark contrast to this line and makes it far far worse. The rest of this big picture how you get something done advice makes it sound like Dads approval is the only thing that matters. How about “if you want to marry a girl, treat her with respect” as its her approval, and only her approval that you need. The context of the commercial implies that the fundamental key to the activity, as the statement in every other line, is the mans approval. When more accurately it should be about earning her approval.

      • Yes, my understanding is that, if you want to marry a minor, you’ll need the parents’ permission.

  3. As a woman born well before 1980, I’m firmly agreed. The last time someone (a realtor) decided he should talk to my father about something that was my business and my decision? I fired his old fashioned ass on the spot.

    Sgt Rock, if some woman wants to marry you, should she ask your mother? Or are you the one you want consulted on your major life decisions?

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