Chicago, IL-A man with nothing else going for him and no discernible physical or intellectual competence still has his entire persona planted in the forgettable milestone he participated in over a decade ago. “I ran this really cool race…not sure if you’ve heard of it…it’s called Tough Mudder, you’re pretty much not a real man unless you do it,” said Bryce Kibby proudly wearing his officially licensed Tough Mudder shirt and accompanying bandeezy.
The achievement of adulthood is ultimately measured by the willingness to pay for physical anguish you could otherwise get for free. Sponsored 5K’s, Warrior Dashes, Spartan Massacres, Iron Man Orgies, all only several hundred dollars to get a free t-shirt and roll around in the mud with a thousand other losers for an afternoon, Bryce Kibby was one of those prideful losers.
“I looked pretty sweet, not going to lie, bandana flying in the wind, I actually modified the shirt by cutting the sleeves on it…Tinder profile pic bro, chicks love dudes who ran in a corporate sponsored race a decade ago,” continued Kibby visibly satisfied with the thought of his perfectly curated Tinder profile.
Though Kibby has no current plans to run the race again and is currently an immobile fucking slob, he still relives that single glorious day in every aspect of his life.