One Tie All Tie

America’s Got Talent judges to be welded together to create one super judge

Hollywood, CA – In the next evolution of show business and popular television shows in America, America’s Got Talent has decided to do something…big. Next season the people finally get what they’ve been asking for. A risky medical procedure which will weld the bodies of all four judges into one…super judge.

Simon Cowell, Howie Mandel, Heidi Klum and Mel B will be forced against their will into a laboratory in which Steve Harvey and LL Cool J will perform an operation they know nothing about. The abomination that emerges will be captured with a net gun and dragged onto the America’s Got Talent main stage to drink Dunkin Donuts coffee and attempt to say the phrase “I didn’t like it…I loved it,” over a series of painful sounding grunts and hisses. It will be named Horse Knuckle and it will constantly smell like cat piss. This stinking shit ball of flesh and limbs is the only being capable of determining who the most talented person America is.  

The super judge concept isn’t new, the American public found listening to four separate opinions to be confusing and infuriating. This streamlines the judging process and gives the public something they can understand and relate to.