Chicago, Midway Airport – A former coworker or classmate or some other person you have no business staying in touch with surfaced on Instagram drinking a glass of Sutter Home sangria in an airport Chili’s Too with the benign caption “I’m getting pretty good at this whole adulting thing.”
Though an unfollow seems imminent, you’ll never work up the courage to pull the trigger. These moments of unbearable sadness and aloofness are what make the world turn.
A Band-Aid ridden jacuzzi of red church wine on a business trip to sell fuckable drones and strip club timeshares in northern Indiana is the ultimate testament of maturity. The withering skin and sunken eyes reflecting in the blood filled, fingerprint laden Chili’s signature wine glass is apparently adulthood, at least according to this post.
The envy is palpable from the meager likes coming through, followers who long for the opportunity to sit alone in a fart filled Chili’s Too waiting to be swept away by the majesty of selling junk to people who can’t afford it in the infinite beauty of deteriorating office parks.
So tilt a goblet of Sutter Home and know that you are a living manifestation of the company slogan.
“When your only true home is the backwash at the bottom of this mini wine bottle and you’ll never be physically capable enough to leave…drink Sutter Home.”