Washington, D.C. – If you weren’t already voting for Bernie Sanders, you are now. Taking the stage in a freshly borrowed suit from Steve Harvey’s bastard cousin, Bernie Sanders said that he can end both the hunger epidemic and the childhood obesity epidemic with the same policy. The public assumed this meant the provision of healthy, nutrient rich meals for students at school, but little did they know it was so much more.
“The perfect way to quell those grumbling bellies is for each child to be given a JUUL with as many mango pods as their hearts desire!” said Sanders through a seemingly unfeasible mouthful of Werther’s.
The plan would include one JUUL engraved with a silhouette of Bernie Sanders and an accompanying note which would provide a much needed daily dose of inspiration. The daily inspirations would include things like:
- Don’t trust the bees!
- Take more ketamine
- Space is fake!
- Live every day like you were in the movie Last Vegas
A vote for Bernie is a vote for pluming and a vote for the illusion of ending world hunger through vaping.
