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Walmart to sell Nut Nuts, plastic nuts for the deeply insecure man

Hammond, IN – A plastic ball-sack dangling from a dually F-150 has been a timeless representation of impotence, alcoholism and detachment from reality for the better part of a decade, but in the age of fuckable energy drinks, Truck Nuts simply won’t do. 

That’s why Walmart and Chumlee from Pawn Stars are proud to present the next evolution of prosthetic novelty nuts for the man who has nothing left to offer and no other real interests or hobbies. 

Nut Nuts attach to the base of your scrotum and dangle the same way they would from a truck, only now it’s a one size fits most device that will destroy anyone’s preconceived notions that you aren’t a man.

Nut Nuts prove that you don’t need a job, or a family, or solid food, or a loose grip on reality to truly be a man. Being a man is about gluing stuff bought at Walmart to your junk and posting it on LinkedIn. Cementing your legacy as a failed husband, father and friend is as easy as going to Walmart, so go to Walmart today and buy something that will provide a momentary misleading happiness while you desperately try to dislodge a pile of shit that’s been blocking your intestines for the last three months.

Buy Nut Nuts or be cucked for the rest of your miserable life!