Die-hard Star Wars fans finally get the Darth Maul shower scene they’ve wanted

Devote Star Wars fans have found something inherently wrong with every film release to date. Inconsistencies in timelines, character relationships, technical specs surrounding building a weapon capable to destroying entire planets, and perhaps most notably the controversy surrounding Darth Maul’s genitalia.

A topic more controversial than “Who shot first?” conspiracy theories and more fervently debated than the mysterious origin story of Boss Nass, finally gets the attention it deserves in the latest addition to the Star Wars franchise The Last Jedi.

Though there is plenty to love about the new movie, the highly anticipated Darth Maul shower scene is ultimately the only thing bolstering the critical praise of the movie.

During an emotional discussion involving the origin of the force itself and its evolution and demise over the years, BB-8 projects an unprompted video of Darth Maul showering off after hitting the elliptical machine at the XSPORT Fitness on Tattooine. The video is excruciating in both length and content, as Luke is forced to look on in horror at the steamy video clearly meant for the SnapChat DMs of a Zeltron on Hoth.

The scene is rather abrupt and completely irrelevant to the overall plot of the movie, and some fans have complained that the presence of Darth Maul’s hog really detracted from an otherwise positive experience. But critics agree that the beautifully animated CGI was necessary on every level and makes the movie more avant garde than previous offerings.

One fan commenting “If you’ve ever wondered if the carpet matches the drapes….well spoiler alert…it does!!!!!!”

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Fans boycotting Star Wars citing that the droids didn’t look/act racist enough

Steadfast Star Wars fans across the country are fuming over the recently released trailer for The Force Awakens and it’s not because of the lack of pod racing. “There wasn’t enough racist droids!” shouted die hard Star Wars fan Skeeter Nelson from the depths of his parent’s basement. “Goddamnit, if I know one thing about Star Wars it’s that approximately 90% of all droids on Tatooine were programmed to be racist!” he continued to whine, his voice suggesting a looming tantrum.

It’s not just the cries of a singular depraved man sleeping in a race car bed with confederate flag sheets however, as thousands of people echoed the opinion that it isn’t a true Star Wars movie without rampant racism.  The idea that the movies primary focus was the perseverance of hope and good prevailing over evil went right over their heads. “If I’m going to spend my hard earned money on a movie it better damn well be relatable…this is NOT relatable, in the future I hope to own several racist droids…this trailer made that fantasy look pretty bleak.” said one angry Twitter user.

Others argued that the Millennium Falcon was noticeably absent of any Confederate flags, noting that Han did shoot first on Greedo so logically he obviously shared in their same asinine ideology.

We can all hope these bigoted oafs are satisfying themselves with the latest installment of Paul Blart Mall Cop thus leaving plenty of open seats for the rest of us to enjoy what looks to be a beautifully done Star Wars.

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