Guy in office kitchen staring into microwave wondering if his head would take the same amount of time to cook as his low fat Lean Cuisine

Rockford, IL-On Tuesday, a man staring longingly into the microwave during his allotted 25 minute lunchbreak, which was taken dutifully at his desk, began wondering whether or not he could fit his head into the microwave and if it would take more or less time to cook than his low-fat glazed turkey tenderloin Lean Cuisine.

Two minutes and thirty seconds was sufficient to reanimate the glacier like fragments of abused turkey meat, flanked by a first harvest vegetable medley, which was comparable in virility to the sagging face and balding head of the employee, but the presence of bones could provide difficulty for the decade old office microwave.

Just as the prospect began to seem feasible and, alarmingly enough, more pleasant than a return to his desk, the microwave rang…signifying that, the cardboard nutrition that would fuel him through another day of baseless meetings and vague incompetencies, was ready for consumption.


Guy at work with Dunder Mifflin coffee mug still seeking last few sympathy laughs

Chicago, IL-Employee Kenneth Parker, creative director at a company incapable of creativity, has never had much of a sense of humor, or a personality for that matter. But what he lacks in both human compassion and wit, he makes up for with a novelty Dunder Mifflin coffee mug that was purchased two years after the final episode of The Office aired.

“Dunder Mifflin is this fictional paper company in this super funny show, not sure if you’ve heard of it…the Office? Anyways I got the mug because the company doesn’t actually exist, but people who watch the show very closely will think it’s hilarious,” said Parker taking a long, annoying slurp from the idiotic and untimely mug.

The show ended four years ago and the mug from Spencer’s Gifts has become increasingly stale from a state of already questionable interest, but Parker hopes the laughs will pick up as he molds his personality and likeness into Jim Halpert.

Though he hasn’t gotten any direct compliments or commentary, he maintains that several people have inadvertently glanced down at the mug before excusing themselves from another excruciating conversation with him.