One Tie All Tie

Magna Carta Holy Grail and L.L. Bean

Artist: Jay Z
Album: Magna Carter Holy Grail
Rating: 2.0/5.0
Download: iTunes

Jay Z has to be the coolest rapper to ever exist…he makes commercials chronicling hanging out with famous producers, discusses making history, he is aware of the existence of ancient documents, and perhaps most importantly he loves Samsung Galaxies which is the ultimate measure of street credibility.

There were absolutely no expectations surrounding this album. The non existent excitement was fulfilled and adhered to beyond even the most wild of dreams. It is a jumbled mess void of any cohesion. Holy Grail sounds like it was produced at the Payphone with Adam Levine. There’s also a song dedicated to Miley Cyrus twerking. All other songs have Jay clawing and scratching for any word that rhymes, effectively being drowned in the accompanying samples. Instead of spending time working on continuity and flow Jay has spent the last several years perfecting some truly beautiful and lush phrases like:

1.) “ha-ha”
3.) “he-he”
2.) “HOV!”
3.) “Look what ya’ll made me did!”

The old Jay is officially gone, and has been gone. Jay appears now a toiling cantankerous dad wrestling with his independence and masculinity in a house full of women. Rocawear will undoubtedly start looking more like L.L. Bean and his cologne brand will start smelling more like Old English Leather. This is the death of Jay Z as a rapper and the birth of him as a Dad.

Slip into a pair of wide legged Wrangler jeans and a boxy team volleyball shirt from Blue’s grade school and welcome fatherhood.