Tammy

Movie: Tammy
Rating: 0/10

Nothing like the goons in Hollywood pinching off another reheated type casted dog loaf.  Doesn’t appear to be a clean break either. It’s a day ruiner type of dog turd. One that as you slide seamlessly across the grass, you know both your shoe and that patch of grass will never be the same. No tweezers or damp Q-Tip will savage the shite maze residing in the intricate soul of your shoe.  As this thoughtless diaper bursting with tired jokes, played out characters, hay, the breath from an ostrich at Potawatomi Zoo, three day Long John Silver’s Cod Pieces and a glass of water from a standing runoff in Gary Indiana slowly circles in the microwave you’re left wondering why the hell this abhorrent concoction was ever created. It’s an indigestible reanimated mess, the look of it, only to be matched by the horrible eye stinging stench. Appears to be one of those movies where you end up throwing away the Snow Caps you splurged on, being unable to finish them after watching McCarthy inhale and promptly fart out an entire McDonalds cherry pie. Blowing her ring piece into the Stone Age.

It can’t get any funnier than seeing a bloated, sweaty McCarthy rolling her belly button lint, pondering the existence of Mark Twain and getting hit in the face with a 2×4 or having a cinder block dropped on her head. The Jet Ski scene looks like a true classic too. I guarantee it involves her crop dusting a batch of seagulls who look up, confused, before succumbing to the horrible stench and fainting. Tammy will become immensely sad, falls in love, and her undying quirkiness will ultimately be accepted…I would imagine that’s the entirety of the script, which was plundered from Lenny Kravitz’s septic tank.

Can we please get a new character here? Anything at all would work. Something that doesn’t involve a completely depleted character that’s been sucked dry of anything original. I won’t be seeing this movie because I just predicted exactly what would happen above, woops guess I should have prefaced it by saying Spoiler Alert. I would rather wear around a pair of neon orange Skechers Shape Ups then be caught watching this.

6-25-2014 4-14-18 PM

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