Quarterback

Love

Ben Roethlisberger
Douchebag in cargos
Great quarterback, bad human
How does one still play?

Ryan Fitzpatrick
Professor Hagrid
Or Guy on a Buffalo
Or Duck Dynasty

Hate

Tom Brady
Golden Boy, Chris Gaines
First emo football player
Hashtag this is Ugg

Colin Kaepernick
Cannot hear the plays
Through his head consuming beats
Or see past his hat

Running Backs

Love

Eddie Lacy
A transformation
Majin Buu to Super Buu
Viking absorption

Ben Tate
Eternally hurt
Calamity Coyote
Catches road runner

Hate

Frank Gore
Father time awaits
Drawing near to the ageless
Old man strength fading

Steven Ridley
Batman Forever
Worst than Jim Carrey’s Riddler
And Clooney’s bat suit

Wide Receiver

Love

Larry Fitzgerald
Comes back from the dead
Cat from Pet Semetary
Revenge of Winston

Calvin Johnson
Megatron revenge
Shia Labeouf cornerbacks
The AllSpark is found

Hate

Demaryious Thomas
More overrated
Than film, Little Miss Sunshine
Maybe Avatar

Marques Colston
A feast or famine
That’s exclusively famine
No feast to be had

Tight End

Love

Travis Kelce
In Andy Reid’s Sights
Like a twinkie or snowball
Don’t stop feeding him

Hate

Larry Donnell
Lightning doesn’t strike
In the same place twice, a rare
Unicorn sighting

Defense

Love

Saint Louis
Is it possible
The Eagles are not that good?
Expect sacks galore

Hate

Detroit
Fear neck beard power
It will consume everyone
Lasers to Saturn