If episode 7 (Black Maps and Motel Rooms) of True Detective seemed a bit more scattered than usual, it’s because it was written by a 10 year old child named Terry. “Da twue detective season wasn’t wiving up to the hype, so I wote in a tonna weally cool stuff to twy and save the season” said Terry speaking through a mouthful of Fruit Loops cereal. “I tought, how awesome would it be if there was like…a undergwound gang of bad guys with guns, and den like…one of em gets shot…and den if Vince Vaughn stawted lighting all dese fiwes and even doe kissing is gwoss, Cowin Fewwal and Wachel McAdams kissed or something, also a buncha cool poisoned lands and some stuff” he continued now running laps around the house farting.
True Detective has had difficulty emulating the intensity of the first season which mesmerized the country and thinks that Terry could be the messiah they’ve been looking for to save this season of the show. Though only 10, Terry’s teachers have confirmed he has conquered haunting, challenging reads such as Hop on Pop and If You Give a Mouse a Cookie. Executives at HBO took notice of Terry when they discovered an essay entitled My Favowite Types of Monsters. They saw the piece as a stunning achievement by a twisted young genius and thought that the evocative tone would fit perfectly in this season of True Detective. “The essay was only 14 words, and contained mostly pictures of Frankenstein holding a variety of weapons and wearing a jetpack, but it was unforgettable and poignant.” Said one HBO executive.
As the season finale nears, no telling what Terry might have up his sleeve next. A heard of T-Rexes with laser beams strapped to their backs? A volcano full of tarantulas? A battle to the death between an army of Frankensteins and Draculas’? Only Terry knows, but we’ll all be watching to find out.