Kanye West announced he will be running for President in 2020 and wasted no time selecting a prestigious yet controversial running mate…a flaming burlap sack filled with human feces. The choice was simple according to West who said the unwavering support offered by the charred sack was part of the reason he chose to run in the first place.
“Bro, what is more anti-brand than a smoldering poo bag sponsored by Adidas, that is as real and as raw as it gets bro!” Said Kanye, the sentence taking puzzlingly several minutes as it slithered from his mouth with a gust of white-hot air.
Kanye should be hailed as a pioneer for having the courage to implement such a risky and forward thinking campaign strategy. A bunch of turds crammed into a burlap sack like ground beef into a sausage skin and set ablaze has never looked so fashionable and chic. “Bro, I needed to find someone or something that had the same swagger and attitude I have,” continued West fanning away thick plumes of smoke. “Plus I needed to find something slightly more dislikable than me, you see me and my poo bag are about to play a little good cop bad cop!” said West his voice now in full auto-tune.
The only potential dilemma is if the bag of flaming poop becomes self-aware and realizes running with Kanye may hurt future campaign prospects. That type of realization would cause an immediate disintegration of the partnership.