Washington, D.C.-Senior advisor and office rodent, Steve Bannon, has confirmed that President Trump has been quite delighted since switching from regular baby wipes to calamine infused baby wipes. “When I would put him on the changing table, he would cry, he was inconsolable as I dragged the wipe across his chapped, poopy ass,” said Bannon with a steady stream of drool gathering on his chin.
Though Trump appears virtually the same to the public, Bannon confirmed that since using the calamine infused wipes, Trump’s ass appears far less grotesque. He hopes that his assistance in said endeavor will make Trump even more malleable…and perhaps one day even be taught to wipe his own ass.
“He still isn’t having solid bowel movements and remains generally fussy throughout the day but I know that my little brave baby boy is going to be just like his Uncle Steve,” continued Bannon running a comb slowly through Trump’s thinning hair as he busied himself with a new Highlights magazine.