Hollywood, CA – Fox’s new hit TV show Masked Singer spiraled into unspeakable madness this week when provocateur Alex Jones took the stage to sing Sail by Awolnation. The crowd assumed it was another C-List celebrity who had been flogged onto stage and forced to wear an Alex Jones costume against their will, someone in the realm of Jon Cryer or Dane Cook, and cheered with all of the vigor that an irrelevant entity in an Alex Jones mask deserves.

But as the song ended and the frenzied crowd collectively dumped their pants, it was time for the panel of loosely qualified celebrities to hurl an ill-informed guesses into the abyss as to who they thought could be under the Alex Jones mask.

The consensus was predictably that the masked singer was in fact Wilmer Valderrama. As they waited anxiously for the celebrity to pull off the mask, the masked singer instead clawed their face clean off whilst yelling about Obama being a shapeshifting reptile. In turned out the celebrity was Alex Jones all along. The crowd applauded the bloody faceless creature that remained.