Hammond, IN – The internet is often used as a hopeless adhesive to the proudest of straw men. A slathering of Elmer’s glue onto a couple of dull, wholly lifeless cinder blocks as they slide towards the inevitable shit filled earth below. A great example of this is the regrettably undying #birdboxchallenge in which content desperate addicts upload videos of themselves doing things blindfolded.

Most of these can be promptly ignored, as content for the sake of it, but someone you knew in high school just uploaded a #gamechanger that upped the stakes massively for any future bird box challenge participants.

Imagine this. Sitting both emotionally and physically alone, perusing the internet for porn in a soiled computer chair while drinking a Coors Light and listening to the new Imagine Dragons album while openly weeping…blindfolded. This is the type of content that friends and family want. Something to feast on and discuss at dying dinner parties. This is the kind of content that makes you immortal.