This person just hired David Baldacci to write the 500 word Instagram caption for their friend’s birthday

Chicago, IL-A person with absolutely no more platitudes to offer about varying friend’s birthdays has hired New York Times best-selling author David Baldacci to pen a vaguely sentimental and undoubtedly lengthy caption to accompany a lifeless picture of a, now distant, acquaintance.

After several years of posts celebrating every national puppy day, national cry yourself to sleep day, national sibling day, national butthole day, take your goat to work day and every single birthday from a lifetime of formative friendships, Kristina Hodges finally had nothing left to say.

An entire deflating Instagram feed oozing oblivion like old Kikkoman bleeding from a rice heart at a Hibachi Grill in middle Indiana.

“Much like my novels, by rearranging a few words, you can make a one-of-a-kind birthday dedication for any friend. Forever my inspiration can be changed to My forever inspiration or Inspiration my forever, because ultimately no one cares, I employed a similar method to my novels Man Down Below and Below, Man Down!” said Baldacci taking a long pull from a Virginia Slim cigarette.

Visionary inspires several people by posting pictures of other people’s inspirational quotes

A self-proclaimed social media visionary has inspired three people since posting a picture of someone else’s inspirational quote yesterday. The oddly vague quote was accompanied by a carefree font and setting sun, which automatically qualifies anything as something with the potential to inspire.

It garnered three likes, and one comment. Two of the likes were from her parents and one from an account created for someone’s pet dog. The comment was from her mom and read “You said it sister!”

“I post a quote when it’s a ME day…which is pretty much every day!” said Ashley Murray-Parker, who routinely posts other people’s photoshopped pictures of other people’s quotes.

“I never know what the quote will be, and I generally don’t even know where the quote came from, I just google image search “Inspirational Quotes” and voila I’m ready to inspire the world!” continued Murray-Parker. She steadfastly maintains that her reposting the picture of the quote is far more important than having actually written or created something.

“Absolutely no one can find pictures quotes like I do, you have to be able to Google image search, and be able to save down pictures to your desktop before posting…it can be a lot of work, but it’s all worth it considering I’m changing people’s lives!” said Murray-Parker, the words broken up with severe giggling fits.

The most likes she has ever gotten has been 5, but she knows that no nothing comes easy when it comes to posting pictures of quotes. She hopes to post one that inspires 8 people before year’s end.