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ABC launches Whiskey Cavalier spinoff Whiskey Dick Cavalier

Hollywood, CA – Whiskey Cavalier just didn’t have what this country was looking for. So ABC has sent the plumbing snake back into the shit clogged drain to pull out another clump of matted hair.

Whiskey Dick, Cavalier will be a 5,000 part mini-series of “snackable” GIFs, boomerangs and TED talks given by a Barstool Sports employee named Richard Trimble who is regularly impotent but blames his inability to get it up on his hilarious addiction to keyboard duster instead of repressed sexuality and deep psychological trauma.

Though the show is being marketed as a dramedy, it is undeniably one of the saddest things ever created, as you watch someone with a loose grasp on the English language and a propensity for blue lipping a bottle of duster, lash out at people who don’t fall in line with ill-informed, vaguely racist opinions.  

Watch as Trimble attempts to talk to a woman at a bar before pissing his pants and calling her a skank, then spending the rest of the night in a frustrated and unfulfilling tug frenzy before posting a blog about how being white isn’t a crime and passing out in a puddle of his own tears. But it’s hilarious because there is a rabid fan base to support his idiotic takes.