Chicago, IL – The Chili’s Too at O’Hare International Airport just got a whole lot spicier. The bar and grill, which serves as a mecca for Chicago foodies and travelers alike, is now offering a whole new line of appetizers geared towards the god awful dregs festering in any given airport at any given time.
Alphonso Knudson, manager of fifteen years at Chili’s Too, said their current menu lacked both the creativity and pubic hair forward dishes sought by airport restaurant diners.
“You come to O’Hare airport for the glory holes; you stay for the sex themed food at the fast casual restaurants,” said a muffled Knudson during a presentation of the most popular menu item, the Jalapeno Popper Gag Ball.
The concept of the new item is simple enough, a jalapeno popper that is smoothed out and just large enough to cause a delightful pain in the eager mouth gasping for air behind its breaded caress. Employees singing their choice of Imagine Dragons songs fasten it onto the customer’s head using leather harnesses and chains purchased from Hudson News.
The customer can then savor every lick as they slowly eat their way towards freedom and fart it out during their trip to Gary Indiana.