New York, NY – In an attempt to inspire a country on the brink of destruction, CBS has decided to try something unprecedented for their New Year’s Eve Special. Instead of watching a giant shiny ball crafted by some interns at Michael’s lower into a crowd of pants-shitting morons, viewers will see Carson Daly pass a skittle sized kidney stone into a translucent toilet with a freshly placed urinal cake.

“In these strange times, we want to instill a sense of purpose in hope…even when all seems lost. Based on a recently conducted survey with the general public, there was appetite for the passing of a heaving kidney stone,” said CBS executive Marty Haverland.

Carson Daly was put on a high protein, low water diet for several months to develop the iconic kidney stone that will pass and provide the American people with a reason to live another day. There will be physicians on the scene to ensure that the stone passing coincides directly with the passage of time into the new year.

Imagine Dragons will provide the backdrop for Carson Daly’s screams as the massive stone drops into the toilet and the crowd erupts, knowing that in 2021 their wildest fantasy will be realized.