Car commercials are always super relatable. And they always make me want to buy new cars, which is why I’ve declared bankruptcy over a hundred times and currently live in a 1999 Chevy Malibu that I forced the fine people at Pep Boys to convert into a ragtop convertible after I threatened to expose the fact they’ve been using horse knuckles for tires for the last decade.
But the new Buick Enclave commercial REALLY hits home. Where a group of kids walk out and say…how are we
ever going to fit into your mom’s Buick! Then the mom turns smugly to the
camera, pupils as big as saucers, a mouth full of drool and a pair of sopping
wet sweatpants and says “That’s not my Buick you button nosed little fuck…THAT is my Buick” thrusting a shocker
symbol towards a hulking beast of a car.
And I fully relate to this! Because there’s a public shower in a park near my house, and I have repeatedly mistook a recently showered, incredibly damp Shrek for your mom’s Buick Enclave! Though he is bloated, green and stinks of a neglected chicken coop, he still slightly resembles the new luxury offering from Buick!
- Friday last week I heard groaning in the park across the street, I assumed it was your mom’s Buick Enclave but it turned out to be Shrek finishing his morning shower
- Thursday the week before, I heard a garbled version of the song la cucaracha and assumed it was your mom’s Buick Enclave, but that is the noise Shrek makes when breaking wind
- Tuesday the week before that, I saw several children entering his mouth and assumed it was your mom’s Buick Enclave, but it was just Shrek eating children