Hammond, IN – A man from Hammond Indiana who once took a wholly forgettable picture of himself flashing Dane Cook’s signature shocker hand gesture in front of Notre Dame Cathedral in France has been shaken to his core by the recent fire. If the fire had occurred 10 years ago at 4:34 P.M. and on a Thursday in February instead of a Monday in April, he would have been a mere several hundred feet away, drinking a Shamrock Shake at McDonalds.
“I can thank the big guy upstairs for this one. All things considered I’m on borrowed time right now and the dwindling group of people who haven’t unfollowed me yet need to know that,” Said Patrick Kibby posting an onslaught of boastful Instagram pictures that would make you believe he was somehow on the frontlines of those who actually fought the fire.
Though the word miracle is thrown around a lot, an omnipotent being holding off a fire for more than a decade to make sure Kibby had a chance to visit the cathedral, take a few insufferable pictures and then return to safety in northern Indiana is the stuff entire religions are based on.
“Needless to say the three likes I got on a ten picture album is a sign that the Holy Trinity was rewarding me for posting my incredible tourist moment on Instagram. And even though I’m not religious and was blacked out at the time of the picture, I was still so moved,” continued Kibby cracking another lava lamp to drink.