Grudge Match may be the saddest movie to ever exist

The mere prospect of a movie like Grudge Match existing causes me immense sadness. Perhaps even sadder is considering what sort of warped, depraved and lonely degenerate would spend $10 to see this on Christmas day. Sitting in a caved in theater chair, watching two decaying actor’s careers slowly circle the drain in a urinal at Dave and Busters. Nothing says Christmas like two paunchy, jaundiced and inaudible old men exchanging futile punches and dim jokes. Whenever I watch elderly people squabbling, I always think that 1.) I should film it and 2.) That I should charge people money that film and 3.) Kevin Hart is definitely marginally funnier than Dane Cook, and he’s hosted the MTV movie awards so he should also be somehow be featured.

It would be interesting to see how well Sly’s sagging flesh is adhering to his incredibly unnatural HGH fueled old man muscles, or to see how bumpy Deniro’s bulging stomach appears, but frankly not worth the price of admission. The movie is uncanny, because the plot seems to be loosely unfolding in real time, in each actor’s respective floundering careers. I’ll be spending my money on Madea’s Christmas this holiday season.

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