One Tie All Tie

Mayweather’s final opponent announced as bathtub full of standing water

In one final act of futility to revive a floundering public image and waning career, Mayweather has strategically chosen his next opponent to be a bathtub full of two day old water. “You thought the Berto fight was exciting? Wait till you see what I do to this stagnant water!” said Mayweather triumphantly. Mayweather Promotions anticipates this being the exclamation point on a self-proclaimed illustrious career. The fight will sell itself according to the promotions company siting that it is a true hero versus villain dichotomy. This is the fight this sport needed, not the fight it deserved.

“You think people enjoy old water?! I’ll be adored by this nation once I dispose of this bathtub! Not to mention the prospect of fighting an inanimate object is ELECTRIC.” Continued Mayweather staring confusedly at his own reflection in the sedentary tub water. He remains uncertain if the tub water will try to pull the same sorcery during the fight and will demand the water go through rigorous testing so as to ensure it is rendered incapable reflecting. Not unlike the general public, the tub of water remains indifferent to the testing and the fight itself.

Though no punches are expected to be thrown by either fighter, this fight will undoubtedly be more exciting than the previous two combined. One more fight until Floyd Mayweather mercifully vanishes into relative irrelevance.