Chicago, IL, Dumpster behind Bubba Gump Shrimp-Mayor Rahm Emanuel was spotted last weekend by a group of tourists, slinking behind a row of dumpsters behind the Bubba Gump Shrimp located at Navy Pier. Originally believed to be a wad of stinking sewage belched up from the depths of the city, the wad of filth began to move and appeared to be chasing after a sizeable rat. Staggering around like a wounded beast, brandishing a solid gold bed post and violently swinging at the rat, one tourist recognized the creature as none other than universally despised Mayor Rahm Emanuel. The bed post had apparently been funded by last year’s property tax hike.
“I couldn’t discern who was right or wrong in the disagreement,” said one faceless tourist, recounting the bizarre encounter. The dispute was apparently over a new tax on newspaper nests and discarded shrimp tails that this particular rat had refused to pay. Like many Chicagoans the rat had grown weary of the numerous tax hikes that have virtually no impact on a crumbling city. Rahm’s camp was unavailable for comment, but during the encounter witnesses reported hearing the mayor screaming about buying a larger golden bed post so he could begin taxing and shaking down larger creatures like lions and whales.
Though he is unlikely to succeed in murdering the rat, as he rarely succeeds at any endeavor, many say that Rahm would in fact be tried as a rat, by a jury of his peers and abide by rat law in terms of punishment for first degree murder.