Fantasy Football Love/Hate Haikus Week 1

Quarterbacks

Love
RGIII vs. Eagles
A crying baby
Finally gets a bottle
Full of warm cheese steak

rg3

Matthew Stafford vs. Colts
Indy Bar Louie
Worse than Detroit Bar Louie
Players eat for free

stafford

Jameis Winston vs. Falcons
Snow crab or king crab?
Or withering bird of flight?
Raw wing in hot butter

jameis-winston-fat


Hate

Any Dalton vs. Jets
Something that burned
Is now smoldering embers
Red rocket turns beige

dalton

Jay Cutler vs. Texans
A Virginia Slim
Can’t bear the weight of a steer
Cancer stick gets gored

tumblr_muio8ycnql1rge9rdo1_500

Matt Ryan vs. Buccaneers
Lukewarm Smirnoff Ice
On the tile, of a bathroom
Which is soaked in piss

ssmirnoff

Running Backs

Love
Eddie Lacy vs. Jaguars
Krispy Kreme is closed
An abandoned Pizza Hut
Crust is stuffed with Kale

lacy

Arian Foster vs. Seahawks
Corpse recovery
A new war of attrition
Waged against a game

arian

Rashad Jennings vs. Cowboys
Wrinkled hands pull rope
To fly the sail, for three games
Before injury

rashad

Hate
Jeremy Langford vs. Texans
A thread bare sweater
The frail web of a spider
Bears offensive line

img-thing

Jeremy Hill vs. Jets
That moment in time
A realization of dull
Straight to DVD

dvd

Carlos Hyde vs. Rams
Tech bubbles will burst
Gourmet roast, artisan cheese
Fuels contentment

cheese_fotor

Wide Receiver

Love
Randall Cobb vs. Jaguars
King Cobb King Cobra
Malt liquor breaches the plane
Soaking painted turf

cobra

Marvin Jones vs. Colts
An extinct robot
Sparks a love between a boy
And his brand new toy

toy

Hate
Doug Baldwin vs. Dolphins
Tubthumping, Butterfly, Bitch
Liquid Dream, Macarena
Once thought to be good

mi0001397622

TY Hilton vs. Lions
Sad Beanie Babies
Cast aside and forgotten
Dumped for iPads

e771025e3bc02614fd9df123ae825a16

Tight End

Love
Colby Fleener vs. Raiders
What if Frankenstein
Had long hair? Went to Stanford?
Would he be human?

frank

Dwayne Allen vs. Lions
Who the hell is Dwayne?
Oh, you mean that Dwayne? He’s cool
That Dwayne is dat boi

flat800x800075f

Hate
Jason Witten vs. Giants
Cast as an extra
In the movie Last Vegas
Best friends with Freeman

last-vegas

Greg Olsen vs. Broncos
Edibles in Denver
Sativa makes legs tired
My face is melting

olsen

 

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