Fire Tom Crean (Top 10)

We’ve all grown unfortunately intimate with Tom Crean’s blunderous, aloof coaching style. A coach whose favorite pastime is getting into and losing grinding slug fests with other Big Ten bottom feeding insects. Waging a fierce war of immense insignificance against no one in particular. We’ve been circling the piss and vomit soaked drain and Kilroys all season, and there’s no sign of a merciful flush coming. As the stale and wearing season labors on I often times myself abandoning the second half of games, in favor of watching reruns of Man vs. Food. Watching a sweaty, fat, illiterate goon inhale 90 nitro wings in less than 20 minutes for a free t-shirt is somehow less objectionable than watching a single second of an IU game. Unless Air Bud is in next year’s recruiting class be ready for another season lost. On top of being more incompetent than the Tilta-Whirl employee at the state fair, here are 10 more reasons IU needs to give Crean the heave.

1o.) Uncomfortable/imposing fire and brimstone twitter account with apocalyptic undertones
9.) A “recruiting” coach who doesn’t actually recruit
8.) Regularly studies tapes of the Washington Generals for offensive/defensive inspiration
7.) Refuses to admit he’s drinking Red’s apple ale in that mysterious water bottle
6.) Gives every player a “Participation Award” at the end of the season
5.) Demands players wear orthopedic Adidas shoes to make sure the game appears as though it is being played in quick sand
4.) Gives team oranges and ecto cooler Hi-C at half time
3.) Has officially made IU football more exciting than IU basketball
2.) Gets the team pumped up for games with Nyquil flavored Gatorade and Sigur Rós albums
1.) Looks like Brendan Fraser starring in Encino Man

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2 thoughts on “Fire Tom Crean (Top 10)

  1. No way IU football is better than IU basketball. Plus Coach Wilson is an a-hole.

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