Washington, D.C.-In an act of unbridled solidarity President Elect Donald Trump has, like the American borders, banned anything going in and coming out of his body. The order is extensive and strictly forbids both nutrients needed for survival and the equally important expulsion of waste.
“Anything not in my body already, is an enemy. ENEMY. And anything trying to get out is a traitor. That’s right a traitor, and not very American at all! Very Un-American!” said an already jaundiced and bloated Trump between fainting spells, veins protruding from his melting face.
To accomplish such a feat, Trump requires senior counselor and loyal toady Steve Bannon to apply a thick layer of rubber cement to his ring piece nightly. He also uses Bannon’s fully naked body as one of the most extreme and severe appetite suppressants to ever exist.
“The order is going VERY well, very nicely. The bleeding around my butt and blinding pain in my stomach are all signs of the process WORKING. And Bannon’s disgusting mound of rotting flesh, hoisted in a butterfly fuck swing is an inspiration to us all!” continued Trump.
Trump maintains his body is what a healthy nation should look like. Nutrient deprived and overflowing with old shit.