Trump to start new made in the U.S.A. business, Trump Jankem

Washington, D.C.-Coming under recent scrutiny from having campaign merchandise that was produced in both Vietnam and China, President Elect has vowed that his newest business endeavor will be 100% made in America. Trump Jankem is set to hit stores later this month, the product itself is a thinning, hastily tied grocery bag full of dry-aged human feces.

The product is being described as huffable patriotism and is said to wreak such immense havoc on your brain and nervous system that you’ll transform from open-minded liberal to bigoted tree stump in minutes.

“We’re not just selling bags of my loosest BM’s and I’m talking LOOSE, ok, we’re selling bags of freedom, that’s right a chance at REDEMPTION for all of my many enemies, a chance to bring Steve Bannon’s favorite past-time to the masses!” said Trump squatting over a bag being held by an eager Vice President Mike Pence.

The dry aged fumes are said to directly bolster patriotism in 4 of 5 people who huff Trump Jankem and when combined with Breitbart news or any network television shows it has been reported that true nirvana is experienced as all brain activity momentarily ceases.

Look for Trunk Jankem next to Mountain Dew Code Red in the beverage aisle at any convenient store.

jenkem

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