Washington, D.C – After months of top secret investigations, hints at indictments and impeachments and implications of the freemasons, the illuminati, and the shapeshifting reptilian elite, Robert Mueller’s report has confirmed that though there was no collusion found between President Trump and Russia, that the soundtrack to the movie Drive was pretty damn good.
Though the soundtrack is smugly and routinely brought up by someone every single time music and or soundtracks are discussed and is also now the result of several Adderall fueled months of interrogations and research conducted by Robert Mueller.
“Have you even ever heard the Drive soundtrack?” said Mueller accusingly of the press, who had definitely already heard it and also already been scolded by someone who perceived themselves to know more about music than them.
The appreciation of a soundtrack from ten years ago is more important than anything going on in the current political climate, as the purposeful synths bathe the viewer in the cold blue waters of Ryan Gosling’s eyes.
“I probed and prodded some of the sickest perverted bastards out there, I smoked over ten thousand cigarettes and did some truly unspeakable shit, and what I found you wouldn’t fucking believe,” said Mueller of the moody electronic elegance contained within the Drive soundtrack.
We should all be so lucky to have made a discovery as profound as this.