Chicago, Midway-A heavily contoured Kardashian disciple eating a puddle of old Auntie Annie pretzel glaze off of the floor at the airport drew several glances from other airport pedestrians. Not for the grotesqueness… as horrific sites like this are commonplace at the airport, but rather the garment the creature donned.

Hanging loosely over a pair of skid marked CSI: Miami themed sweatpants was a shirt that read simply I Woke Up Like This. It couldn’t be.

Woke up pouty but also flirty and sexy.
Woke up ready to throw you your very own Mary Kay party.
Woke up coated in Lays potato chip crumbs.
Woke up wanting to skid mark social media feeds with a $9 Frappuccino just bought at Hudson News dripping slowly down their chin.
Woke up and watched a video of Kim Kardashian applying makeup on acid and tried to replicate it with a belt sander and a jar of old mayonnaise.

The diamond encrusted cursive letters fading like the person’s connection to reality. More platitude than human. A fleshy billboard of little consequence.