Chicago, IL – What started with a four pack has now become a two and a half pack. Craft beer lovers everywhere celebrated the $12 four pack of beer which finally provided society with the ability to spend more money on less beer, a favorite pastime for the type of guy with a neckbeard who is still using Untappd.
The problem was that, even though you appeared to be a selfish douche when coming to a party, some guests still thought they could peel off one of those quintuple galaxy hop Belgian IPA’s from the four pack you had masturbated to earlier that day. But that is all about to change with the new 2.5 pack, which provides just enough beer for you and you only.
There is no illusion whatsoever that you are going to share a single beer with anyone else, but rather sit in a corner quietly sipping and waiting for someone to ask you about your beer before promptly judging them and humiliating their knowledge of rare and ancient hops.
Because why else drink craft beer if not for the purpose of imposing your will on someone, shaming them into oblivion for still enjoying an ice cold Coors Light every now and again. So go out and pick up a 2.5 pack today and enjoy alone, the way drinking was meant to be done.