Chicago, IL – As residents scramble for normalcy, many wonder what dating will look like in our new, unbearable future. But experts have suggested a promising new technology that will be widespread in the era of all consuming fear and paranoia.

“Glory holes are usually reserved for routine handjobs in truck stop bathrooms in northern Indiana, but with social distancing we anticipate crudely fashioned holes becoming a very popular aspect in dating,” said Glory Hole enthusiast Alphonso Knudsen, doing a lengthy inspection on a newly taped hole.

The technology isn’t necessarily new, but will appear new to many, especially those not use to cramming their genitalia through a hole in a neglected bathroom stall and hoping for an unreciprocated orgasm. 

“Ultimately it’s the safest way to interact with anyone in these trying times,” continued Knudsen, unzipping his trousers and preparing to test out hit theory on dating.

So while the future remains uncertain, men and women can look forward to interacting exclusively through an abused hole.