Chicago, IL – With insufferable activities like axe throwing, escape rooms and communal pants shitting going extinct during the pandemic, Groupon has had to completely reinvent the way they market and sell barely tolerable experiences to failing friendships and marriages everywhere.
Now, the company is offering pandemic friendly boredom that is certain to make you hate your loved ones as much as anything they offered before.
For $12.99 plus shipping, the company will mail you a dozen eggs from the most abused chickens in the country and a laminated piece of paper with instructions on boiling water.

“We want to keep things fresh and new and unpredictable during these trying times, there is no greater adrenaline rush than lowering a hormone laden chicken egg the size of a softball into a pot of boiling water, then a few days later remorsefully eating it for lack of better options,” said Groupon executive Grant Trimble.

There is also an option for a laxative flight, which similar to a beer flight, is laid out horizontally and prompts customers to sample each flavor of constipation medicine while posting the lame attempt at finally shitting to uninterested friends and families.

“Memories, unforgettable memories is what we’re creating,” continued Trimble, taking a sip from his flight.