Hollywood, CA – Diehard fans of doing DMT, dumping their pants, and watching Passion of the Christ and Signs simultaneously on two different televisions are in luck. Mel Gibson has announced that his latest creative endeavor will be a crossover between the two universes, an anticipated progression by anyone still destitute enough to be regularly viewing either film.

Passion of the Signs takes place immediately after the events that unfolded during Passion of the Christ, thus making it a both a prequel and sequel to its respective sister movies. Lucrative territory, which should automatically generate plenty of Oscar buzz.

When Jesus, played by an unofficially licensed hologram of Daniel Day Lewis, awakens from the tomb he was buried, he becomes suspicious that the people that sentenced him to crucifixion were actually aliens. Uncertain if it were all a bizarre ketamine nightmare, he sets forth on a quest to discover the truth about that faithful day and extract revenge on an alien race led by Nick Cannon wearing Jim Carey’s Grinch makeup. Along the way, he meets up with a group of inbred misfits, led by Breckin Meyer a promiscuous half-goat, half-human bard, who convinces Joaquin Phoenix that taking a bath could bring down the entire alien race.

What unfolds next is the coming of age tale between a hologram, an abomination and Joaquin Phoenix. Watch as they learn the intricacies of friendship and the woes of falling in love with a lecherous half-goat poet who is obsessed with bathing. You’ll laugh when Breckin Meyer uses his wooden flute as a glory hole. You’ll cry when the hologram of Daniel Day Lewis becomes self-aware and you’ try and pull the popcorn trick on yourself after the amount of DMT you’ll have to take to see this movie!